"The story you are about to hear is true. Only the names have been changed to protect the innocent." - Dragnet
Once upon a time an American was staying with some Azerbaijani people. It was an American holiday and the reminiscing American wanted to eat something that reminded him of home. Liver & Onions fried up with big slabs of bacon and potatoes & gravy on the side he thought, mouth watering. All of the ingredients were readily available; beef liver, potatoes, onions, all widely available in the bazaar. Bacon was slightly more difficult to find in this Muslim country but fortunately it was found at a little shop down the way.
"Do you mind if you cook my food in your kitchen?" the polite American asked the daughter of an imam lady-of-the-house. "Its fine" she said, not wanting any herself but not so disgusted by the whole idea. While cooking the man-of-the-house returned. "Your cooking? What is it?" he inquired, half concerned about the machismo of a male cooking. The American answered honestly and asked "Have you ever eaten pork?". "Oh sure, back in the Soviet army they made the Muslims & Jews eat that all the time! Its good but my wife won't cook it." he said, somewhat wistfully. "Gravy, huh. That sure does taste good. I've never seen it before." he admitted before returning to his work.
Meal fully prepared the American sat down to a heapin-mess o' good food and enjoyed the wonders that can be had from such simple pleasures when the daughter-of-the-house arrived. "Oh, you made liver! I love liver. Can I have a taste?" she asked, greedily. "Certainly." the American answered, generously. "Whats that?" she asked peering hungrily at a chunk of bacon. "That is a meat which we call 'bacon'." he answered truthfully. "Give me some." she demanded hungrily.
The American uncertain about the appropriateness glanced over at the lady-of-the-house whom simply smirked and looked away, slyly. "Here you are." said the American, handing over a fork-full of bacon. She ate the meat and her eyes shined "Oh! Its really good! This is delicious!" she exclaimed. At this the American smiled inquisitively and the lady-of-the-house barked a laugh of good humour. A shadow daowned over the face of the daughter-of-the-house, "This is pork, isn't it?" she exclaimed with some horror. "Yes it is. Good isn't it?" the American asked. "Oh no, horrible, disgusting, yuck, no it's bad." she said, unconvincingly. "But you just said it was very good, delicious you said." said the American, accurately. "No I did not." she lied, leaving the American to enjoy his meal and the lady-of-the-house to giggle to herself.
The American could not finish all which he had cooked and so left a pan of left-overs in the frindge for tomorrows enjoyment. The next day when he opened his pan of left-overs he discovered to his shock that all of the bacon had been picked out of his meal! Where could it have gone?
Was it; the-man-of-the-house, his hunger for bacon unquenched in all these many years? Was it; the-lady-of-the-house, her disgust piqued or perhaps her curiousity aroused? Or was it; the-daughter-of-the house, her irrational first reaction of disgust overwhelmed by the memory of that one bite of glorious flavor?
We shall never know.
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